A needed one

I have posted so much about the kids on my other blog. Don't get me wrong I love my kids with all my heart. I think it is about time I did a post of me and what I am thinking.

I had my son Michael on May 12, 2008. I was dealing with the baby blues from him when I got pregnant again in July of 2008. When I had our second son Christian on March 25, 2009, We were dealing with a lot. This birth was an emotional one. Before I had him we got a call about my father in-law. He was not going. The day I was leaving the hospital Mike left to go to Ohio to see his dad. I wanted him to go cause he needed to go see his dad. I was once again dealing with the baby blues.I had all this stuff going on inside me and it all came out at once. I felt mad, hurt, upset and abandoned. I was mad that he bought the ticket for the day we left the hospital. Mad he wasn't the one taking us home. Hurt that he could make sure we got ok and settled. hurt that he didn't take into consideration how I felt and what I was going though. Upset that when I tried to talk to him about what I felt he got all nasty. I know he was going though a lot also but he is my best friend and the one I can talk to and tell anything to and not feel judged. I Felt bad for dumping all this on his while he is there to see his father. I also felt abandoned because he chose his family over his kids and I. I know he didn't but that is what I was feeling at the time. I never had the baby blues like this with Katie. I was upset for a couple days with Katie but nothing like this. I cried so much the first week with Christian. I was thankful that my parents were here to help me with the other kids so I could deal with the baby blues and every else I was feeling. I was so happy when Mike came home. I know it was hard for him to be away from us and I didn't make it any better by dumping on him.

Some times I find it hard to talk to Mike. There has been times when I have talked to him about how I feel and what is going on in my head and afterwards it has been hard to even have everyday talk. We have had fights that have made me wonder if I made the right decision. No matter how many arguments we have had I still love him and can't see my life without him. We have been married for almost 4 years. Yes we have had our ups and downs, but we will never leave each other.

Mike's dad passed away. So we headed up to Ohio. Once we were back Christian started to vomit up after every feeding. It wasn't that bad till the day after Easter. I was able to get him into to doctors. My dad took us and since Pyloric Stenosis runs in the family the had us take him to get a x ray. I took him to All Children's to get it done. We waited the two days and I called the doctor since he was not getting better. They had s go to All Children's for a ultrasound. While we were there the doctor said he was going to have us talk with a surgeon> since we caught it early and it as only going to get worse he wanted Christian to have surgery now so he would get worse. The next day he called and said that he had orders to have Christian admitted for surgery. He needed blood work done to determine when he would go in for surgery. We drove up there and it was all set for the next day. Mike had to go home and open the store. I was upset that once again I was left alone to deal with it all. I handed him over alone. No hubby to be there for me.　Christian did so good. We got and a argument once again. He was unable to get someone to cover his shift at work and I was once again feeling abandoned. I had the emotions from the day and baby blues all day long. Mike went to work and I was just over it all. I was glad that we were able to go home the next day. I missed my own bed and sleeping next to hubby.

We have been home for a couple weeks now and he is doing better. Can keep his food down. Now the lack of sleep is starting to kick in. We are doing this with the kids on our own know. I wanted to stay home with the kids. I love Mike for allowing that to happen. When mom and dad left that first day Mike was off and we had a party to go to for a friends son. Mike had to work the next day, so it was my first day with all the kids on my own. We had such a great day even though I had it in my mind already that it was going to be hard. I took the kids out for a a small trip to the store. The next day Kate from Jon and Kate pulse 8. She was going to be at SAM's Club. I was unable to go since we were having someone clean the roof. My cousin Rose and I decided to go Books a Million to see her. So I loaded the kids up in the car and headed over knowing Katie was in one of her nasty times. I had so much fun. Every day gets better. I take the kids to the store if I need to go out and it can wait for hubby to get it or watch kids. I have heard people with 3 kids talk about their experiences with taking their kids out and they make it sound so bad. To me it is nothing different then with one or two kids. I have no problems with them when I go out. I say it is how you parent them.

We have a 1st birthday coming up. Our Buddy is turning 1 in two weeks. Time to plan a party. What oh what theme should we do. I am so excited for the 1st birthdays. We have lots of friends and family coming to the party. Now after I plan the party what to get a 1 year old boy. He loves his toy cars, toy animals, books and beach and pool things. He took his first beach trip in Feb for family pictures. It was cold so he didn't like the sand. I hope this time he will have fun. I will love to get us in a home of our own and have all our things put away and pictures hung on the wall and the kids room done the way I want them done for them. In time we will find one